Click here now to upload this important update to your Guide!
Expanded capabilities: As you can see, the latest upgrades of the Guide include the ability to control nearby Nutri-Matic dispensers and several settings that allow it to work in tandem with your shipboard computer. Most importantly, the latest Guide relieves you of the need to carry a separate Sub-Etha Sens-o-Matic, incorporating as it now does a lighted indicator of Sub-Etha reception plus a Thumb switch. Hitchhikers everywhere can now complain along with everyone else about how many bars they’re getting or not getting.
Safety and comfort features: When events become overwhelming you can now adjust the Perspective in your immediate vicinity to something a little more comfortably self-centered, or opt to “grey out” perception of the immediate future and its dangers by toggling Temporal Focus.*
The Guide’s latest edition also incorporates the mind-bogglingly successful “Somebody Else’s Problem” Field, which renders troublesome objects completely invisible with a flick of the switch.
And while the Guide’s location sensors are as powerful and accurate as ever, we realize that the modern hitchhiker may not always wish their exact location to be known. Thus we have added a Location obfuscator, which not only hides the user’s current position but actually represents the hitchhiker as being at another location, the randomness and distance of which are adjustable. In beta testing, our field researchers pronounced this their favorite feature.
Touch technology: While the expanded feature set has not reduced what some reviewers have called the “insanely complicated” appearance of the Guide, we have by popular demand retained the original message, so calming to generations of hitchhikers: “Don’t Panic.” Even these large friendly letters are improved, however, as you will see they are now raised in a smooth embossed plastic that is not only soothing to pet and stroke but also osmotically releases low-level endorphins.
* Note: These functions bear no similarity to products of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation and any suggestion to the contrary will be dealt with by our large and rapaciously effective legal department.
Graphic design by Sue Owen offered in tribute to Douglas Adams, who would have had the first iPad out of the box. He’d have loved it, wouldn’t he?
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